so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
