I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
