of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
