It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
