Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
