We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
