i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
