That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
