wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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