Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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