She's JV to your varsity
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
