She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
