didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My penis needs a shock collar
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
