Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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