Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
please come you make the beer taste better
i love accidental penises.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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