i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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