What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
