So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
