well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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