pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No subtext here. People are naked.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
