She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i think i just lost a toe
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
