You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
