Sry I called you an 8
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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