So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
