I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
