While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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