im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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