I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
