Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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