The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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