we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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