I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
