No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
