If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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