I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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