he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
