If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
