brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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