he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
