Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
