So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
