I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
