I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
