i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
