youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
