he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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