Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
