I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
