stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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