this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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