Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
